Yes, this is somewhat of a long story, but I promise it will be worth the read whether you contribute or not!  In fact, telling the story is part of the mission behind this entire project anyhow.  So please, read on.

Origination of the "Cloud"

Dissolve The Cloud originated in February, 2015, inspired by a delightful woman that was a Life Coach, a Therapist, a hospice volunteer, and touched the lives of thousands of people.   Having known this woman for only two hours over the course of three weeks, she taught me how to "let it go" and not let things bother me.

It was such an odd experience to wake up the next morning and just not care.  That's not to say, "not care" the way one might throw in the towel, but rather not internalize the things around us we can't change.

I was having a magnitude of stress at work and decided I should reach out to our company sponsored Employee Assistance Program.  (There's no shame in using it if you have one available to you. You're not alone!)  In that first session of one hour, she and I didn't even discuss my work concerns.  She immediately went into "life coaching" mode, told me a few key things I needed to know about coping with overall stress, changing my mindset, etc.  Honestly, during part of the session, I thought to myself, "who is this strange woman, and how did I end up assigned to her?"  The way she explained things to me made sense, but was also confusing because it involved a certain level of imagination.

That night, I went home and watched a movie she recommended, and the first 15 minutes or so, thought, "why did this strange woman ask me to watch this equally strange movie?"  It seemed to tiptoe along the lines of "hocus pocus", and being someone that keeps my feet on the ground, I rolled my eyes a few times.  I didn't give up.   After the movie, I reflected on things she said and things that were in the movie.  I was finally able to make sense of it once I put something "tangible" to associate it with.  The cloud was born.  Actually, "Dissolve The Cloud" was born as I pulled out of my driveway to go to work the next morning.  "Kill The Cloud" seemed too violent.  "Punch The Cloud" wasn't even possible, but what do clouds ultimately do?  Dissolve!  

Actually, the cloud was there all along, and when I realized there were actually two clouds, things clicked quickly.  First, there's that little black cloud that hovers over your head.  You know the one.  We all have it, and it makes appearances with and without notice.  But then, there's the environment around you.  In my case, a toxic work environment in a company that seemed to be crumbling all around.  Everyday it was something new and negative happening, and even when it had nothing to do directly with me, it affected me.  I really thought my feelings were unique, but what I missed, until this reflection, was there was a poisonous "green" (again, trying to relate to something tangible) storm cloud, or as I call it now, the poisonous green aura cloud.  I realized that it traveled through the building and was growing, and if I got too close to it, it zapped me and I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, realized I was letting things get to me, and didn't care.  I just rolled with it and let it keep bringing me down.

It wasn't until I went back to work the next day that I could practically see the cloud making its way through the building as people started to arrive to work.  It was a day where I watched, listened, and learned.  (Yes, I still did my job too.)

I'm not sure HOW I did it, but I didn't let anything bother me the entire day, and from that day forward, I vowed to keep the momentum going.  After a few days, co-workers started to notice I wasn't looking as stressed as I was previously.  I shared the story I'm sharing with you.  One co-worker said, "I'll give this two weeks and you'll be back to your old self."  I considered that a challenge accepted and encouraged him to come back to me in two weeks and gloat or concede.  Well, an entire month passed and I had forgotten about that challenge, but I was maintaining the "Dissolve The Cloud" concept and he came up to me and said, "you know, I gave you two weeks and it's been a month, and now I have been dissolving the cloud!"

So, what does it mean to dissolve a cloud, exactly?  It's as easy as it sounds, but it takes some serious mindset alteration.  By backing away from that poisonous green aura cloud that is trying to draw everyone into it, it leaves you with your own little black cloud to contend with.  Amazingly, the black cloud dissolves and as more people step away from the green aura cloud, it too begins to dissolve.

Yes, just like clouds in the sky, they return... both black and green, but the stronger your mindset is, the less it affects you, and over time, those clouds, no matter how large they are start to get smaller and smaller when they come back around.

Tragedy Strikes

You may have caught that at the onset of this story, I said this "was" a delightful woman.  That wasn't an accident in wording.  This amazing woman that I knew for all of two hours, including the second session where the entire hour was all about how I took everything she and the movie taught me and made it tangible, tragically passed away less than one month from the last time I saw her.  I had emailed her a couple weeks earlier and hadn't heard back, but she was SO busy and involved in SO many things, including being part owner of a retail business, I figured, she'd get back to me.  I was looking up an obituary online of someone I knew that had passed, and instead of finding that obituary, I found hers instead.  I was in complete denial and disbelief.  And, even though I knew this woman for a whopping two hours, she CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER, and there was no way I was going to miss the opportunity to pay my respects.

The next day, the day of the wake, I informed my boss that I absolutely had to go to her wake.  He was equally stunned at the news and supported and approved my absence, which I thought would be about an hour or so.  I arrived to find police officers directing traffic and instructing everyone where to park.  When I walked in, there was quite a long line of people waiting to pay their respects.  Of course, I went to the back of the line.  Within about 10 minutes of moving about 5 feet, I realized that the line that built behind me had looped around to the other direction, and shortly thereafter was out the door to the sidewalk.  I mean, there had to be 1,000 people in this very long and winding line and another 1,000 people in the sanctuary where she was.

I was privileged enough to be one of the very last people to be able to pay my respects to the family before they had to cut it off because the service was to begin, and there had to literally be over 1,000 people that weren't blessed with this opportunity.   When I met her husband, he asked how I knew his wife.  I explained that she had counseled me very recently for two one-hour sessions.  He was beside himself and astonished, "You knew my wife for two hours and you spent all that time in line to pay respects?"  I explained that she changed my life, motioned around and said it appears she changed quite a few lives, and it would have been wrong not to show up.  I stood in line for two hours to pay my respects, and I would have spent 12 hours in line if I had to.

Oh, there's more to the story...

In my last session, since it was all about how much impact the first session had on me and we had a few minutes left, I asked her a question that nobody had asked her before.  She had commented that, "to use your terminology, I have a few clouds to dissolve myself, but I'll do it!"  I asked if she, as a counselor who hears everyone's woes day-in, day-out, had her own counselor or someone to reach out to.  She said, yes, unofficially, but a good friend that is also a counselor, and they'd text back and forth... "quite a bit more, lately."

During that session, although I learned nothing about her woes, she shared with me that she and her husband adopted a child who was now 11 years old.  I knew this had to be devastating to him.  Whether he knew his birth parents or not, I do not know, but to lose your birth parents and then lose your adopted mother to tragedy... can you even imagine??

I met her son, as her husband introduced us at the wake.  The look on this little boy's face was one of a broken-heart, a broken spirit, and exhaustion.  I was probably the 1,000th hand he shook that day.  I told him how sorry I was and that his mother was a very awesome woman and to always keep the memories alive.

Almost done, but you can't prepare for this part!

While in line at the wake, I looked at the person behind me and asked if anyone knows what happened to her.  She was way too young to die, if she had a terminal illness, she sure hid it well.  Car accident?  No clue, so I asked.  The reply I got was, "We aren't talking about that."  OK, so now I'm thinking foul play, and I still have another hour to ponder this, as it turns out, because I'm still in line.

As I was leaving, I held the door open for a lady that was coming out behind me.  She thanked me, and I just commented about how sad this was.  She revealed that they had been close friends at one time but lost the closeness over the years, as happens to so many of us.  Reluctantly, I took the opportunity to ask if she knew what happened, and she indicated that everyone is being silent because "something bad" may have happened.  I asked, "Not murder?" "No.", "Not......."  Yes, it was suspected that this energetic woman that had her hands in so many things to help people, who adopted a child, and who changed my life within an hour... committed suicide.

Now, at this point, I was truly beside myself.  I went through a couple weeks of disbelief and then accepted that this was a suicide.  I vowed to carry forward what she taught me so that other can benefit from it.  The moral to the story at the time was, if this woman could feel so at a dead end to kill herself, it can happen to ANYONE! 

I was angry, however, because I though how selfish it was that she would kill herself and put her adopted son through a potential eternal struggle having to cope with his mother committing suicide, and doing what someone his age is apt to do, blame himself.

But then...

A couple weeks later, I was talking to a friend, and it turns out his sister worked at the retail business that this delightful woman was part owner of.  She had commented to her brother that everyone refused to accept that she committed suicide.  Much like my opinion after knowing her for two hours, people that knew her well knew this couldn't be the reality.

It definitely looked like suicide.  She had pulled into her garage, closed the door, left the engine running, ended up in a coma, was found alive, rushed to the hospital, never came out of the coma, and ended up in the same hospice organization she worked for in one of her many activities.

A woman as busy as she was gets tired just like anyone, but she was SO busy being the wonderful person she was, my friend's sister commented that it wasn't uncommon to find her asleep at the desk of the retail store, whether because of a sleep disorder or just plain exhaustion.  The new theory, which I hold to be true in my heart, is that she pulled into the garage after another long, productive, but exhausting day, put the car in park, closed the garage door, and simply fell asleep without turning off the engine.  If you think about it, it makes perfect sense, especially if you were lucky enough to know her.  I have come home from work many times, done the very same (except I turned the engine off) and started out the window thinking how I could easily just fall asleep right there and didn't even want to walk the 25 feet into the house.

And you know what, once I became conscious of my own behavior, I realized that I followed the exact same pattern including closing the door BEFORE turning the engine off.  As you can imagine, I don't do that anymore.

The bottom line is, whether or not it was ruled the official cause of death or not, in our hearts, we believe this is what happened.  I certainly hope the family has concluded the same.  It will be so much easier from them to forge ahead, especially the 11 year old.

And the revised moral to the story, no matter who you are, you have to take time for yourself, to take care of yourself, and more often put yourself before others, as hard as that is for so many people, and certainly for her.  If you don't, you could easily be the victim of a tragedy like this, forever impacting more people than you would imagine.

END OF STORY - Now, what's next?

As I said earlier, I vowed to keep "Dissolve The Cloud" alive, and further decided that I would like it to be dedicated to her memory.  I have not mentioned her name out of respect for her family.  Although her husband and I have a mutual friend that will ultimately connect us together, it's still too early.  They are going through a period of mourning and there is much healing that has to happen.

In the meantime, I have subscribed to a service that allows me to find relevant content on coping with a variety of issues, and schedule them to post. Additionally, please consider purchasing “Happiness Today!” which will help support Dissolve The Cloud and its future… to be determined.